Yes, fuck-my-feelings indeed. I don't really know what's wrong with me. I'm fucking childish (and not in a cute way) and stupid. and especially boring. My mind is going in places that shouldn't go. My tears are all over my face. I'm so full of my shit. I know how to ruin everything. I know how to be the most stupid person on earth. I want to make him mad on me and to make him explode... Yea, I think that's the next step. Me making him so mad so he will be done. He loves me... but I really like to make him tell me that and if he doesn't, I am going crazy and act like a stupid kid. I am so down these days... I don't know what to do not to cry. I am so alone... I want just to cry and to end every kind of communication with everyone... and on the other side, I want to be happy, to be around my friends. I miss the days when we were all together. I miss our laugh, our trips, our group. Why we need to grow up? I want to escape. I want this period to end... but.... isn't that one of my principles? I shouldn't wait a period to end... I should make the best of it.... and to enjoy... but I make excuses... A lot of them... What would I remember after these months? A big hole... A black one... full of shit. Full of my moods and my stupidity. It's a period that I won't remember as an optimistic one... and... I know that I will regret... I will regret the fact that I let something escape instead of make the best of it....
I miss her too... why I am here and she's there? Why I have always friends that are going away? I know she didn't abandoned me... but I feel so unsafe.... I'm so afraid of losing everything... I'm just broken by all the things I do...
I am useless right now.
Bye.
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